


As Soon As Possible

by EstelleBlue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angry Harry Potter, Angst, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Emotional Hurt, Harry Potter Being an Asshole, Hurt Harry Potter, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Post-Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29197575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EstelleBlue/pseuds/EstelleBlue
Summary: =One shot=After a month at the Dursleys with nothing but empty platitudes, his thoughts and the recent dementor attack, Harry arrived at Grimmauld Place just in time for an Order meeting to end. He seems different, is he okay?OrHarry is a teenager who went through some shit and nobody remembered to stop and think that maybe he needs a helping hand sorting everything out. He's hurting and sometimes, hurt people hurt others.Summer after GoF but before school starts.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	As Soon As Possible

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Harry stared at the screaming protrait as its curtains were yanked shut. _What a warm welcome,_ he thought to himself drily. His stomach rolled as he could not help but draw the similarities between Aunt Petunia and this lady.  
  
That summer had been dreadful. Letters from his friends were frequent, but they were less than satisfactory. There was nothing in it that informed him of what have been going on. All he could do was sneakily listen to the news and make sure he does not drown in his nightmares. Unfortunately, that leaves stewing in his thoughts which inevitably left him depressed. He would sleep to escape his thoughts but sleep led to nightmares. He would stay awake but staying awake led to depressing thoughts.  
  
It was an exhausting and vicious cycle and it showed on his weary slouched body and deep dark eyebags.  
  
“Oh, Harry, it’s lovely to see you!” Mrs. Weasley whispered, beaming as she pulled him into a rib-cracking hug. Harry had to muster up a lot of energy just to hug her back. It seems that was the last of it as he couldn't even twitch his facial muscles enough to smile. Mrs. Weasley pulled back to look at him and he stared back blankly. Her smile slipped a little.  
  
Just then Dumbledore and Snape, followed by few other people, brushed passed and went through a door. The sound of the floo indicated they had left. _Well, all the better then. I don't quite know how I'd react if I have to interact with them._  
  
He was ushered into the kitchen filled with some order members that had not left yet. All eyes turned towards him as he stepped in. A cacophony of noise erupted from the previous hushed silence as his entourage began asking what they had missed during the meeting, Mrs. Weasley telling them off that it was not an appropriate time to ask, Mr. Weasley calling the other children down for dinner, all the while Sirius stood up to greet him.  
  
He was promptly dragged into another hug and this time, a surge of energy went through him as he desperately hugged Sirius back. The tidal wave of insecurities and anger he entertained for the past month roared in his ears and it was everything he could do to clamp his mouth shut lest it spill out.  
  
_Why did Hermione and Ron get to stay with you when I couldn't? Am I not good enough? Did I do something wrong? Why won't you write to me? Why was I pratically alone for the last month? Why were the dementors there? Don't you know now I have Cedric's blank face haunting me coupled with Mum's screams whenever they're near? Why why whywhywhywhywhywhywhy-_  
  
"Hello, Harry. I see you've met my mother," he said.  
  
◇  
  
"Nearly time for bed, I think,” said Mrs. Weasley on a yawn.  
  
For the whole dinner, Harry did not turn to speak or even looked at his best friends. Not even Ginny and the twins. He kept his eyes on his plate pushing his food around. If he had paid attention, he would notice almost everyone at the table shooting him worried looks.  
  
“Not just yet, Molly,” said Sirius, pushing away his empty plate and turning to look at Harry. “You know, I’m surprised at you. I thought the first thing you’d do when you got here would be to start asking questions about Voldemort.”  
  
The atmosphere in the room changed with the rapidity Harry associated with the arrival of dementors. Where seconds before it had been sleepily relaxed, it was now alert, even tense. A frisson had gone around the table at the mention of Voldemort’s name. Lupin, who had been about to take a sip of wine, lowered his goblet slowly, looking wary _._  
  
"Sirius Black! He is too young!" said Mrs. Weasley, sitting bolt upright in her chair, her fists clenched upon its arms, every trace of drowsiness gone.  
  
"Well, it's quite obvious what his plans are now isn't it?" Harry mumbled absently, still looking down onto his plate. He was sleepy and could not really bother to acknowledge the tension filling the room.  
  
Silence met his answer and when he finally looked up, everybody was blinking blankly at him. Sirius, tilting his head to one side, asked, "is it really?"  
  
"Of course," Harry answered, frowning confusedly. _Do they really not have any clue? But then again, it wasn't like they had heaps of free time like I do._ Harry pushed away his plate and continued, "the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry are two major strongholds in Wizarding Britain. The one who controls both is essentially the King. So yes, Voldemort is definitely working on these two issues.  
  
Harry felt the heavy ball of anger return as he remembered reading through the Daily Prophet that month and continued, "Unfortunately, no matter how subtle they try to be, the Ministry of Magic is currently conducting a smear campaign against me, an innocent underaged citizen of Britain. They are painting me as a deluded, raving lunatic and calling me a liar just to discredit my warning that I was nice enough to give."  
  
Everyone in that room could hear the bitterness in his words. Mr and Mrs Weasley, along with the rest of the order and the current Hogwarts students in that room, was looking at him in varying degrees of shock. Curiously, Sirius only had understanding and a hint of pride in his face.  
  
"So, here's what I think his plans are. The Dark Maniac is going to take this smear campaign as an advantage like the Slytherin he is. He is going lay low and gather strength. He is going to call in his allies, send in more spies, and recruit. He is going to build an army. And when his army is sufficiently large and strong enough for him, he's going to attack. With his loyal death eaters pratically salivating at the amount of blood they are going to spill, with his werewolves, his dementors, his vampires, his giants, and maybe even the acromantula colony in the forbidden forest, he is going to attack. And I have my doubts that it will be a battle we can win," Harry finished his low tirade with a cold voice as his eyes swept across the kitchen at the various faces. The hysterical despair that usually plagued him at night set into his bones at that moment. _How are we to win?_  
  
"That's... that was what Dumbledore guessed too," said Sirius, looking at Harry with a small smile, an emotion held in his eyes that Harry could not decipher.  
  
Harry leaned back in his chair and continued sweeping his eyes across the kitchen. From the others' point of view, it was quite a frightening scene. He did not realise this, but with his blank face and cold deep eyes, to others, he feels dangerous.  
  
And to himself, Harry felt like he was on a precipice of something he was going to regret. There was a monster under his skin that crawls and snarls and hungers to rip apart at everything just like he was constantly ripped apart every year. Ever since being left at the Dursleys, for as long as he remembered, he was constantly fighting. Fighting to receive love just like how Dudley is loved. Fighting to get praise or even an affectionate pat on the head. Fighting for food and sunshine and rest at the times he needed. Fighting for the injustice he received when he didn't deserve it.  
  
He was so tired of it all. A part of him wants to curl up and just breathe his last and yet, another part of him wants to scream and yell and burn down anything and everything.  
  
"So what're your plans now? Surely you're not thinking to mess with his recruitment? Because it won't work," Harry lazily continued as he turned to Remus Lupin. He looked at Harry as if he could not recognise him anymore. _As if he ever knew me in the first place,_ Harry scoffed to himself, feeling resentment for being so distant when he claims to be one of James' good friends.  
  
"Oh... uh... we've been trying to get the word out as much as possible to put them on their guard. And like you said, we've also been trying to block his recruitment attempts to no avail," answered his old Professor.  
  
At that answer, Harry felt the monster snarl louder and the mass of depair grow bigger. It was all he could do to not sob his eyes out. He slipped his eyes close and faced down, doing his breathing exercise. So much can be done in a month and they've only done that?  
  
"If you're so smart, then tell us what you think we should do," said an unrecognizable voice. He looked up to see several people shooting an unknown order member warning looks.  
  
Harry turned his body towards her and replied, "Well how about the muggle government? Have you informed them of the impending conflict? The Prime Minister perhaps? Or even The Queen?" Those few words had been calm, but now the dam was broken and he could not help but let out his restless energy as his tone slowly reached patronising and condescending.  
  
"Have you visited Muggleborn families? Their children may not believe me but you have a duty to tell the adults, their parents and gaurdians, about the dangers that surrounds their children. Give them the option of leaving this country for a while and connect them to other magic schools in the States or Australia. Or put them in a safe house if they don't want to leave the country. Have you _set up_ a safe house? Never mind, don't answer that. Or you could make a device to give them so they could call us for help if they're ever attacked. _When_ they are attacked. They are after all the tagets of this godforsaken messed up war. Have you plan an escape route for Hogwarts? Have you update its wards so there'll be no chance of foul play? Have you branched out your connections to the Ministry that are higher than Aurors?"  
  
"That's enough! That is quite enough. To bed, all of you! War is no place for children, you are all underaged!" Mrs Weasley suddenly cried. Nobody acknowledged her, still looking at Harry dumbly. It took great effort for him to keep his head with all the negative emotions swirling inside him. Patronising everyone was better than shouting at everyone, after all. He didn't want to give those tall tales of the Prophet any truth.  
  
Harry chuckled lowly, unable to stop himself from saying, "And you expect me to trust my future in your hands?" Everyone looked shocked and affronted, some even outraged, but Harry didn't care. He went this far, might as well go till the end. He turned to his peers for the first time since arriving at Headquarters. Hermione flinched when he set his eyes on her. Distantly, he noted to himself how all his friends looked frightened with how he was acting. He could not help but felt a bit of vicious satisfaction. "Looks like we're doomed, guys. No point hoping for the future now," he cheered fakely.  
  
"There _is_ hope!" Mr Weasley exclaimed. His face flushed and bright as his hair, as if he could not believe this was happening. Such an outburst from a laid back man like Mr Weasley was shocking, but Harry supposed how he was acting was not quite like a typical Gryffindor Golden Boy would act.  
  
Harry snapped. He slammed the table with his two hands as he stood up. _So much for keeping my cool._  
  
"HOW? HOW IS THERE STILL HOPE WHEN MOST OF YOU CAN BARELY RUB TWO BRAINCELLS TOGETHER?"  
  
"Harry! Watch yourself," warned Sirius. Everyone's breath was caught.  
  
"YOU THINK I WANT TO BE HERE? THIS DEPRESSING DARK PLACE? I want to be like every other fifteen year old! Enjoying life, worrying whether I want a girlfriend or a boyfriend, hang out with loyal friends who won't betray me, thinking about what I want to do for my future! AND YET I'M STUCK AT THE DURSLEYS. AND NOW I'M STUCK HERE. PREPARING TO CLEAN UP THE MESS THE PREVIOUS GENERATION WAS TOO LAZY TO DO."  
  
"That is enough, Harry James Potter!" Sirius tried to butt in sternly.  
  
Harry ignored his godfather and turned to Mrs Weasley. She had tears streaming down her face as she clutched her chest. He felt a twinged of guilt but shoved it aside. He _needed_ to make her understand.  
  
"Last month," Harry started with a low voice so fragile, "I had to look at Mr and Mrs Diggory in the eyes as I tell them how exactly their son died. Their baby boy, their only child. Cedric Diggory was a noble man who was at the wrong place at the wrong time, I said. I saved him from an acromantula and he told me to take the cup, it was my win. I said no," here Harry's voice broke and strained, "together. It will be Hogwarts' win. And I will regret saying that for the rest of my life. I looked them in the eye and told them how sorry I was that I wasn't quick enough or strong enough to protect him. I looked them in the eye and told them how sorry I was that they won't ever spend another birthday or another christmas together. That the reason he died and I survived was not because I was stronger but because of luck. I looked at them in the eye and told them that I don't mind if they hate me or blame me because I hate and blame myself too.  
  
"We _are_ children, easy to mold, easy to lead, easy to manipulate. We are the most vulnerable. You may wish it, but you will never be able to be there to protect us at all times, just like how Mr and Mrs Diggory wasn't there to protect Cedric.  
  
"You better get yourselves together to fix this as soon as possible."  
  
Harry turned and left the kitchen. All the fight has left him. If the tears finally fell as he curled up under Buckbeak's wing, nobody was there to note it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave some comments on what you think! :)


End file.
